day 5 here. It was okay.
I woke up neasaus, they fixed it right away; I have to say that when your a Cancer patient the doctors and nurses really do do everything in their power to make sure that you are as comfortable as possible. I don't know what i would do without meds at this point, or how i would have lasted this long. I didn't eat breakfast today, they may have kept me from throwing up but they can't give me my appetite back. hah. I spent the morning surfing the internet and making notecards for vic (because hes LAZY, haha). Oh, and if any of you ever get the chance to stop by Scottsdale Shea's cafeteria, do it. be sure that you order their chocolate brownie. I have ordered one up to my room for 3 days now. BEST BROWNIE EVER. i figure I'm about to not eat for weeks i might as well stuff my face with things that are extremely bad for me, why not!?!
Pretty uneventful morning. Got two bags of Chemo during the day, one left for tonight, then the middle of the night rounds start. I feel like everyday is getting a little worse. The meds are doubling everyday and I'm getting more and more scared as the transplant nears... everyday i find out new information that i didn't know prior. Risks, precautions, just a hole list of things that scare me even more.
I would still have to say that my biggest fear through this whole process if Graft VS Host disease. Everyone gets some form of it during the recovery of the transplant, the degree is what varies.
:LINK:
http://my.clevelandclinic.org/services/bone_marrow_transplantation/hic_graft_vs_host_disease_an_overview_in_bone_marrow_transplant.aspx
Graft VS Host decease can be as minor as a skin rash, or as sever as your organs shutting down, some of which can be life long. It all depends on my bodies response to these foreign cells... really scary.
I found out today that the cells with be actually transplanted into me first thing thursday morning, and until then the Chemo will just get worse and worse everyday. I have two more left left of Busulfan, then starts the really bad one. The next round is what will actually destroy my existing bone marrow. This Chemo is so strong that it cannot be administered by just any nurse and if i am not transplanted with new cells, by body will never produce cells on its own again. Fatal. scary.
I don't quite understand why my body decided to fail me, now...
really missing Liam today, so so much.. I'm trying to keep my mind off of it. its only been 3 days and its all i think about. Im going to go crazy by the end of these 8 weeks, literally. My strength is definitely going to be tested.
Well this afternoon my little brothaaaa *JOSH* and Victor came to see me. We all just hung out and talked. Josh made me a card for my closet wall; which definitely made my day, what can i say? the boy speaks the truth. :) and i love him so so much, he's grown into one of the best people i know, one of the best people i have ever ever met.
now I'm contemplating eating dinner or not, not feeling too well. ugh.... so today was pretty uneventful. i have a feeling over the next couple days as things get worse ill have a little bit more to fill you all in on. (not that i want things to get worse but iv already had fair warning, they will and i have no control over it)
Dedication: CHAD!
Chad, just as Kim is like a second mom to me, you are like my second dad as well. Over the last three years we have definitely grown close and i admire you more then I can explain. Your one of the smartest, most kind hearted, reasonable men I have ever met. You are such a good dad to Vic and Kayla. They both love and adore you so much, its part of what makes me love you too. Seeing a childs love for their daddy is so heartwarming. The love and admiration that i feel for your son is endless, i am who i am because of him, the love that he shows me has made me a better person. Victors love for me and our relationship is a true testament to what kind of parents you and Kim were to him. He aspires to have the kind of relationship his parents had and i love that. Thank both of you for giving me the best partner I could have ever asked for, you have raised quite a son and ill love you forever for that. If someday Vic grows into half the father you are, to Liam, I will be more then thrilled.
i love you!
xO
Mel
Hey Melissa, you are doing an ahhhmazing job!!! You are so inspiring and I look forward to reading your thoughts each day. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! I am a nurse at a hospital in Gilbert and I work on the oncology floor. We had a guy just a year younger than you that went through chemo with us and then went on to Mayo for his bone marrow transplant. He did get graft vs. host but he is doing sooooo great now, getting back to normal life!! Take each day for what it is, one day at a time. There are the risks in the world, but there are also those that overcome all those. You are one of those that is going to make it :)
ReplyDeleteI have another patient, mom of 6 young children. She was in my hospital for weeks at a time, neutropenia and unable to visit her kids. I was caring for her Christmas day and her kids came to visit and they were all standing clustered in the hallway waving and talking to her while she wore a mask. If I have ever been more happy and sad in the same moment...it still brings tears to my eyes. She went to mayo for her transplant was there for 57 days. Hardest thing ever, as she was in your place, missing her family on the outside.
Sorry, didn't realize that was so long!!!! Anyways, they are both doing exceptionally well!!!! You should expect nothing less than miracles :) you have already been such a blessing to those around you (Jacqueline and Steve included). Keep smiling and keep your head up!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Melissa. Thanks for commenting on my blog.
ReplyDeleteSide effects are unpredictable. Sometimes mine were much less severe than they expected. Sometimes they were worse. At transplant time they took really good care of me, just like you mentioned. Zofran worked so well on me, at least the IV version, that I had hardly any nausea, though I completely lost my appetite for weeks and lost over 40 pounds. (I'm considering advertising bone marrow transplant as a weight loss program.)
Your fighting attitude is awesome. It sounds like you have a great family and friends, so yeah, you'll do great no matter how hard it gets. One day at a time, and find every bit of joy and humor in it you can!
Oh, and how'd you keep your eyebrows? That picture of you looks beautiful! I lost most of my eyebrows. It was four months after transplant before they filled back in.
ReplyDelete